Scientists Develop ‘Safer’ Lead-Based Paint That Tastes Salty

WASHINGTON D.C. – Scientists at MICASA Research have filed a patent on a safer alternative to the once commonly used lead-based paint— calling it Sea-Salt Lead-Based Paint or SS-LBP.

Lead has been banned from household paints in the United States since 1978, primarily due to its sweet taste being irresistible to paint-chip-eating children. Scientists and paint manufacturers have long desired to eliminate the stigma of lead, by developing a paint that appeals to the mature taste-buds of an adult.

“We’ve determined early-on that 9 of 10 adults prefer salty over sweet. It was just a matter of nailing down the perfect amount of saltiness,” lead scientist Sherwin Williams told The Daily Escrow. “We opted for the sea-salt due to its seemingly organic nature; it really adds to the marketability of the product.”

While SS-LBP is still considered highly hazardous, MICASA Research claims that by manufacturing a product more suited to the tastes of adults—they were able to eliminate several health risks—making the paint nearly one percent safer when consumed.

“In most cases, we no longer have to worry about stunted growth or delayed development, because only adults will be eating this paint,” Williams explains. “However consuming SS-LBP can still cause nervous system damage, kidney damage, reproductive problems in men or women, and even cancer.”

“Overall this is a safer product—but just like anything—consume in moderation. High levels may still result in death.”

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